you know i was just reading a blog of a friend of mine, and wow, it made me think. it's not that it was very complex, but i dont know what it was. i wonder why i started this thing. to get my thoughts out? to write rants of past thoughts? for any reason really? I just don't know. i have always been the type to write down my thoughts, maybe just so i could get them out of my head. and i thought twice about this. i thought it might make me a little more vulnerable. do you every write down the thoughts in your head? not only that, but would you let just anyone read them? i guess when it comes down to it, i honestly don't care. it's not that i have anything profound, exciting or important to say, most of it is just ranting and rambling on. i've become a "human soundbox" just making noise. hehe. but you know, i'd have to say that not all noise is bad. and sometimes, when you have been around the noise for so long, and suddenly your not, you actually miss the noise. i had people asking me about those emails that i used to send out. they liked reading them and they wondered why i stopped sending them out. so i guess they were worth something. they meant something to somebody. whether it provide comic relief, a different viewpoint, or just some sort of entertainment, that is ok by me.
you know the time is really passing by quickly these days. i have a hard time believing i'm already 24 years old. seems only yesterday that i was a teenager. and you know i'm not where i want to be. have you ever felt like you were painted in a corner? like no matter how hard you try you just can't get out of this rut that you've gotten yourself into? part of me feels like that. the other day i went to the movies, and i saw some friends i hadn't seen in few years. and its weird you know. they are both married (two couples) and the one guy is a few years younger then me. him and his wife seem to be doing good, they have a nice car, and i dont know if they live in a house or a apartment. the other couple who are a few years older then me, they are doing really good. they have a really nice house (him and his dad built it) and they have a nice car (probably two or three). we talked for a bit and they asked me how it was going. the same. the brutal honest truth is that. the same. no better, actually probably quite a bit worse. i dont know what's happened with me. i just dont know. they are happy (or they seem that way), i mean maybe they are not. but you know, it just never ceases to amaze me how some people just seem to coast carefree through life. you know if you are born into a family with a mother and father, and they make a decent amount of money, its like you are default to have the same. his dad is a engineer, and ofcourse he is one to. how can that be? there's has to be some sort of complication there, some sort of fights or disfunction. but it never shows. i just dont know how that can happen. how some people just seem to have it going for them, and then others just have multiple bad things happen to them. like they are truly cursed to this life. i'm not completely speaking for myself either. i mean there are people out there who are good people but who just have it so bad. how can that be? how? it just blows my mind. i honestly don't understand how society can serve up such different predicaments? mine, has been pretty bad, but it's by no means the worse. you know i haven't been dealt the most ideal hand, but it's something that can be improved upon. and if it has not been, then that's my fault. i take responsibility for that. but it's a little disheartening to see those living it up. they don't even know that they are either. it's just something the have always known. must be nice. i sound like my dad. i remember him saying that all the time. to me that's just an excuse not to try. just to say must be nice, as if your never going to have anything the others have. i know i don't need any of that stuff. i know it's not important, and in the bigger picture, it means nothing at all. but its still hard to see others having such a great time and you can just watch. "i'd hate this place, if it weren't for the waves, if it weren't for the fact that you love it. where they measure a man on the money he spent, well my heart is not a bank statement." well folks, i am a wee bit tired now, and tomorrow starts another week of wonderful work. you know i think i use too many commas. oh well. my blog, my commas.
hope all is well wherever it is you lay your head down for rest. long live rocco and mateo. goodnight.
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