the long drive home

well here i am in houston. i came here for a possible job opportunity and that is still yet to develope. i also came here because of her. i missed her. i wanted to see her, i wanted to have her near. it's gotten to a point that I don't even want to go a couple days without seeing her. I have no idea how we used to go months and months without seeing each other. I guess when she's in mexico it's somehow easier. I know she is far away and she knows I am far away and we just deal with it. but now she is in houston, only 3 hours away by car, it's just killer. it's so hard to not want to drive here every weekend and have that time with her. and it's such a horrid feeling. when i drop her off at work, and I know it's the goodbye. always the goodbye. we were talking his morning at breakfast i was telling her i don't like saying goodbye to her. seems like I've said goodbye to her more than anyone else in my life. the one person that I want to spend the most time with, is the person I get to spend the least time with. the one person that I never want to say goodbye too, is the person that I say goodbye to the most. and it's a horrible feeling. knowing I have to keep saying those words. it's such a empty feeling in me now. such a hollow, void emotion. its almost like the hulk. when im with her, i feel great, strong, and proud. and when she leaves, i shrink back to who i really am. just a nerdy, goofy loner. now i have the long drive home to think about the time. to dwell on everything i said wrong, to look back and learn from an mistakes I made with her. so i don't do them again. how i miss her, i really do. it pulls at my heart, it grabs it and twists. i hate leaving her. i hate it that we have to be apart right now. i hate that most of all.