more from the past

well, there is more. that file that held all the previous rantings, appears to have a lot of other things I've written in the past. i remember thinking this after talking on the phone with her. i remember laying there on my bed, staring at the ceiling of my then room. it was years ago. i guess the words came naturally, without too much of a fight. to me the words still ring true. they still apply, even though my thoughts and feelings have matured since then. im sure some of you have read this before, but here it goes:

I think now about what you said
while I was laying there last night on my bed,

And I have come to one conclusion,
One that’s still full of question marks and confusion

See, I think some fear to be committed,
And yeah, that might be me and you.

Why do we keep love at such a distance?
Are we afraid of love that is real and true?

Why before it starts, we make it end?
Are we that afraid of being more than friends?

Do you really think I’m using you to heal?
And these feelings I have, I don’t genuinely feel?

Am I on one side of the coin, and you on the other?
Will we ever really get to know one another?

I don’t want you to think I don’t like you,
Because I think you know I do,

I don’t want to give you reasons to doubt me,
Cause I know there is already so many too,

I know it must be hard for you to understand,
How a guy can just change,

To completely turn the opposite way,
And restructure, regroup, rearrange,

But because I didn’t like your first,
Doesn’t mean I like you any less,

Maybe it took me time to find out what I really wanted,
Take that time and let my thoughts reassess,

And I still came to the same dead end,
I wanted you more than a friend,

And I admit, it hurt a little,
When you didn’t think I was telling you the truth,

It seemed like I was trying to convince you,
But I had no substantial proof,

And now that some time has gone by,
Have I proved myself a little more real?

Will you react in a positive way?
Or shoot down this small appeal?

I can only imagine how difficult this must be,
To throw your feelings out there, and put your trust in me,

But don’t think ,I won’t come through,
Cause as you’ve seen through my actions, yes, I do care about you,

More then you probably can guess, more than you’ll ever know
More than you’ll ever see, more than I’ll probably show

Because before anything else, you were a good friend
And on that foundation most of it will depend,

So just ponder on it for a while, just give this a little thought,
I still be here, liking you, whether you believe me or not.