well it's friday night, and i feel like it's sunday night. i guess now my days just blend together, and I lose track of exactly what day of the week it is. i wish it was already monday. i want this week to go by as soon as possible. i've been thinking about things. i decided that while i have this "free" time, i want to try and do somethings i have always wanted to do. learn things I have always wanted to learn, but never had the time for them. here's some listed.
i want to learn the drums: i have this thing inside me that for some reason needs to play the drums. im constantly tapping out beats and keeping the rythm of songs. i can't stop. i think my steering wheel will soon take a restraining order out on me, because i beat it so hard. i had drums once, a nice black Mapex set. but I didn't have the formal training. some people have told me, oh i learned on my own, and that's great. but i'm not them. i prefer a measure of formal training, and then I'll go experiment and figure it out. i just always feel the need keep a beat, keep a pace, to have those sticks in my hand beating out my frustrations. how i envy those drummers, who can take out their pains on the skins instead on of the people who cause them. i will somedaybe a person like that.
i want to lose some weight: this is a common thing to most people. most people tell me i look ok, and I'm not OVERweight, so i shouldn't lose any. sure im not 300 pounds, im not even close. but i'm too heavy for me. i know my body, i know where i should be. working out is a conscience effort that requires discipline. that's the hardest part, disciplining your mind to love exercise. there are people out there who love to exercise, but they are already thin for the most part. i dont know too many fat, chubby people who like to do crunches or jog a few miles. exercise is not fun. but it essential. i have to make it essential again. years ago i was doing so well, i was so thin and fit, i could compete with others in basketball and not feel like i was going to have a heart attack on the court. i felt great back then. i want to feel that way again. it's not going to be easy, but it's possible, it just depends on how much i make myself believe that. and she doesn't help too much. i dont mean that in a bad way, but she says she likes me the way i am, which is great. but i know i can be better, i know i can be what I want to be. and I'm sure she will like me even more then. if not, then she can make me tons of food and get me fat again.
learn spanish: this is the highest priority. this should have been the first one. i have family in mexico i can't even speak to because i don't speak spanish. i have her, and her sister (who speaks good english) and her mom and her dad. her mom understands english and can speak it quite well, but i wish i could speak with her in spanish. her dad doesn't speak any english. we know each other, we get along good, and are friends, but we are strangers. he knows only what i can grunt and point at. how do i say i love your daughter using grunts and points? i fear he would think i'm insulting me and sick the saber tooth tiger on me. i need to learn, i have no choice. i've attempted before, but i need to learn now. i need to get over this stupid fear i have. fear that I will sound stupid, that she will laugh when i try to speak. but she will laugh, but it will be because of joy. i know this. if i learned spanish you would have to pick her up off the floor because she wouldn't believe it. i feel selfish for that. she tries so hard to understand, she asks me questions and wants me to tutor her in my language. and it seems i have no interest whatsoever of hers. but i have to realize it's mine too. i speak it everyday. i even think in spanish on occasion. when something happens the first word that comes to my mind and out of my out is in spanish. i know i have it in me. it's the luangage of my mother. it's where's she's from, what she knew growing up. i feel guilty for not learning, because I know she would have wanted me too. i can't even speak much with my own grandma because of the language barrier. can u imagine if i me and her get married? i need to learn, no i HAVE to learn. no exception on this one.
well those are all i can think about tonight. so many things i want to do though. hopefully if all things go well (which is a fat chance) i will. goodnight to all out there.
2 comments:
1. Well nothing to say about the drums other than go for it.
2. Losing weight? ugh. I gotta do that too. I had the Peepers 8 months ago and I am still 2 sizes away from where I would like to be. 1 size away from where I was. May not seem like much but it FEELS like an elephant is in my pants with me. That bastard.
3. Spanishsmanish. I refuse to learn PRECISELY because I fear looking like a complete idiot. SURE! OTHER people sound COOL when they speak English as a second language. They have that sexy foreign language thing going for them. NOT the case here. If you DO manage to do it, teach me so I don't feel so ridiculous.
cece, if I ever learn, I promise to give you some spanish lessons. from one wexican to another.
Post a Comment