Its still all about Me

Before I get into my list, first things first:

October 31st - that is my date of birth
I got to the party and I did the Smurf

Ok, now down to business, cause it's all about Me, Right?

Three ways that I am stereotypically female
1. I talk too much (way too much)
2. I like to match
3. I can think before I speak (sometimes)

Three ways that I am stereotypically male
1. I am stubborn
2. I enjoy sports
3. I don't listen as much as I should

Three names I go by
1. Robbie
2. Robert
3. Robbie Kendall Bell (said in a playfully condescending way)

Three parts of my heritage
1. Mexican
2. English
3. Texan

Three physical things I like about myself
1. My Eyes
2. My Sideburns
3. My Height

Three physical things I dont like about myself
1. My Gutt
2. My Gutt
3. My Gutt

Three things that scare me
1. Not being able to Love
2. Friends and Family being hurt
3. Running out of time

Three of my everyday essentials
1. God
2. Breathing
3. Eating

Three LIES
1. I dont enjoy her company
2. I like olives
3. I get enough sleep as I should

Three TRUTHS
1. I do enjoy her company
2. I dont like olives
3. I stay up too late

Three things I want in a relationship
1. Love
2. Trust
3. Honesty & Laughter

Three physical things about women that appeal to me
1. Eyes
2. Laugh
3. Booty

Three of my favorite hobbies
1. Writing
2. Music
3. Good Conversations

Three things I want to do really badly now
1. Sleep
2. Talk
3. Sleep

Three careers Ive considered
1. Garbage Man
2. Insurance Salesman
3. Male Model (the before picture)

Three places I want to go on vacation
1. Vienna, Italy (I hear its nice in the spring)
2. Alaska
3. Hawaii

Three things I want to do before I die
1. Get Married (yes I know, I know)
2. Teach my wife how to skip rocks (if she doesnt already know)
3. Live Lou Reed's "Perfect Day"

Three celebrity crushes
1. Claire Forlani
2. Kate Beckinsale
3. Salma Hayek

Three suckers who got tagged
1. Cece
2. Ruben
3. Vero (you better do this!)

I Am Now Royalty

It's happened! I am soo happy! I am now an Official Member of Royalty in the

The Reign of Ellen

You guys, if your not reading her blog, you should be. Lots of great stories and funny and witty punchlines. I just love it!

A big thanks goes out to Ruben for showing me the way to Royalty.

some will say,
back in the day
is when it all started.

we lost our thrill
and turned downhill
when we both parted.

and so i changed
and my life rearranged
now I'm not the same.

with my conscience clean
i now could ween
without feeling any shame.

and from the north i heard a calling
that if I was tired of always falling
I could get off my lazy seat
and get back on my own two feet

so the call kept resounding
and my head kept on pounding
until i agreed and obeyed
and from my former path strayed

i took a chance on a better way
with hopes of a better day
anything would be better then
back in the day, way back when

these days have gone by so fast
and i still cannot forget the past
but the future is finally looking bright
through my realigned and corrected sight

help coming from a pair of eyes
like small rings of blue grey sky
they remind me to always try
and show me the reason why

why im here
and why i can
be understood
and help understand

the future unknown
ive always known
but now I hope again

living not for today
or neither back in the day
ive put away my way back when.

random lyric

Ive givin everything I need
Id give you everything I own
Id give in, if it could at least be ours alone


it plays over and over in my head.

Oldie But a Goodie

ever find it funny how sometimes you write something that makes a bit of sense?

hehe, check this out:

http://soupycannon.blogspot.com/2005/04/top-shelf-thoughts-of-love.html

Speaking of Cars....

1962 White Lincoln Continental Convertible

V8 Engine

Suicide Doors

Like riding on air

daddy likes.

What I'm Listening To:

Stick Shifts And Safety Belts
by Cake

Stickshifts and safetybelts,
Bucket seats have all got to go.
When we're driving in the car,
It makes my baby seem so far.
I need you here with me,
Not way over in a bucket seat.
I need you to be here with me,
Not way over in a bucket seat.

But when we're driving in my Malibu,
It's easy to get right next to you.
I say, "Baby, scoot over, please."
And then she's right there next to me.
I need you here with me,
Not way over in a bucket seat.
I need you to be here with me,
Not way over in a bucket seat.

Well a lot of good cars ....are Japanese.
But when we're driving far,
I need my baby,
I need my baby next to me.

Well, stickshifts and safetybelts,
Bucket seats have all got to go.
When we're driving in the car,
It makes my baby seem so far.
I need you here with me,
Not way over in a bucket seat.
I need you to be here with me,
Not way over in a bucket seat.

Bad Day, Good Night

Bad Day:



well today started off on the wrong foot off the wrong side of the floor. i got to work at 5:20 am, and got myself ready for the day of lifting and welding. the day didnt disappoint. today was a heavy day, for the most part with heavy steal, steal that didnt lift itself. I would have to say the highlight of the work day, was the hour that we actually were down. One of the machines broke, and we ended up not being able to work for about an hour. It was nice to have a unexpected break. But that just meant that when we were going to get back to work, we were going to work twice as hard. And we did. But you know the work is one thing, the steal is one unforgiving, but atleast you can beat it with a hammer and it doesnt do anything in return. The people on the other hand are something else. I had had enough of everyone today. Between the seemingly endless remarks from the guys I work with, about anything and everything vulgar, it just made the day that much worse. I dont want to sound whiny, because I know there are plenty of other people who deal with much worse on a daily basis. But this can weigh down a person, and it has been weighing a bit on me. I guess just being around that on a daily basis, is getting old and stale. I don't know if I want to take that anymore, I don't I should.

Good Night:



On a positive note though, the night ended in a much better way. We decided to order pizza and invite a good friend over. It was nice to relax, fight and joke with her, and look at her amazing pictures. Really, they were really nice. I didnt tell her for whatever silly reason, but they were really nice. I was impressed. So after some chatting and more fighting and joking, we ended up watching a movie. The feature film of the night was "Serendipity" This is a movie about fate, about destiny, and about finding and losing, and then finding again that person that is your soul mate. Now from past posts, you all know how I feel about fate, and things that are "meant" to happen, or the saying "everything happens for a reason." But I would have to say this movie had a good twist to it. Even though almost from the very start they would end up together, the way they played out the details were really entertaining. And it does remind me of some things that I have gone through, somethings being like they were "scripted" like a movie. But is that not life and love? Either way, it was a good movie, on that I would see again. So after the movie, more talking and joking and conversation. And that is what I really enjoyed, the time spent with good company and good food. Can you get better then that? I dont know too many things better then those two things. Compared to the day, my night was just what I needed. Thanks to all the parties who made the night a enjoyable time, you know who you are.

go buy it. now.

im in love

ok, well i have a confession to make.








yesterday was a good day. i got to spend some time getting to know a very new, and very important part of my life. what can i say? am i in love?









folks, I just might be. its quite possible.









im speechless. i dont know what to write.









i love you....












Yahoo! LAUNCHcast Radio.







I really do.







I dont deserve the likes of you.

sick of myself

do you ever get tired of yourself? wish you could just not be you? i know i do. that thought just prompted a song flashback.

You dont know how you move me
Deconstruct me
And consume me
Im all used up
Im out of luck
I am starstruck
By something in your eyes that is keeping my hope alive

But Im sick of myself when I look at you
Something is beautiful and true
In a world thats ugly and a lie
Its hard to even want to try
And Im beginning to think baby you dont know

matthew sweet: sick of myself

im tired and cheezy

well what to write? I have no idea. I actually don't have much to say. today i got to sleep for a few hours, which was nice. then after that, I got to go and play some football, which was fun too. i didn't get to touch the ball much, but it's ok, i think the team i was on won anyways. after that we went to a friends house and ate some sloppy joes and hung out in his basement and played pool. him and his wife have a really neat house, I wouldn't mind having a house like that someday. It wasn't the biggest house here in Iowa, but it certainly was plenty of room for a couple. i wonder all the work and time and energy they have put into their house, not to mention money. And you know, even though I like to call myself a minimalist and don't need many things in life, it sure is appealing. It's not that they have tons of junk everywhere, that their house was full of things they don't need. It was nice, quaint, and yet really appealing. Maybe someday, if I choose to marry, I will have a house like that. It's a thought.

So now in the morning, I will have to get up and go to work. The time seems to pass so fast here, and it seems like I'm right back at work again. Work time goes somewhat quickly, but not as quick as my time off. Could be the fact that I have also been working every Saturday also, that might have something to do with it. Hmmmm. I wish I could come up with some money making idea, so I wouldn't have to work for a company, and have them delegate when I had to show up for work. I wish I could be my own boss, and if I wanted to sleep in one day, I could. I wish I could have written a silly love song, and now everytime people play it I make some sort of royalties. Like the guy who wrote "Lady in Red" I bet he makes major bank. And how cheezy is that song? Obviously not that cheezy cause people still play it at dances and weddings and such. Not to mention all those 80's Love Song CD's. They even dedicate that song when people talk to Delilah. Hehe, Delilah. Do you people know her? Is she a nationwide thing? I wish I could be like her, make up some romantic junk and watch the cash flow roll in. Hmmm. I need to think of something. I mean I'm grateful for my job, I know my cuz pulled some strings and gave me a good chance. But honestly, I'm sorry, I don't want to lift steel over my head and make Wal Mart parts for the rest of my life. It's means to a end for the time being. But still I wonder, what can I do? I guess I need to start thinking of some lyrics. Ok let me try some cheezy lyrics on you guys, and you let me know what you think.

My beautiful, oh my love
how you are a gift from above
you eyes are like diamonds
they shine and make me smile

I long for you
I want you near
so much noise in this world
but your voice is all i want to hear

sweetheart don't leave me
because my world would be so cold
i fell for you at first glance
at your first word my heart was sold

so baby, when i say I need you
And I love you, and I can't live without you
believe me always
for these words for you are true.


cheezy enough? i thought so.

REVOLT!

Thats right! Down with THE BELL!

hehe.

Disclaimer: This will be a serious post. I don't write many, so pay attention. Also, please don't comment and tell me that I'm being too hard on myself and how I'm not like this. I am not always thoughtful and kind, this I know, so this post is for those times that I'm not.

Well I've been doing some thinking. Big suprise I know. But I've been doing some kind of self examination and have come up with some areas I have to work on. No, not my abs. Well yeah, them, but I mean seriously. I have noticed that in my humor, which can be a mix of dry wit and sarcasm, I can take it too far. I can take it to the point where feelings get hurt, and people actually do get angry. And believe me: THIS IS NOT MY INTENTION. Sometimes I do like to push people's buttons, granted I am quite good at it. But like I said, sometimes I do take it too far. To a level I shouldn't be taking it to. I don't know if it's me trying to be funnier and funnier and then I start actually picking on people, or maybe I myself become "playfully condescending" and start to put people down. Whatever the case is, you have to honestly believe in my heart, that THIS IS NOT MY INTENTION. Sometimes I even wonder myself, "Why can't I just be nice to this person?" Is it some sort of subconscience insecurity? Am I threatened by them? To the fact that I have to completely disarm them of any things they can harm me with? Every once in a while these questions haunt me, and I really strive to correct and alter my thinking. Am I bitter to the world for my lot in life and I feel I have to take it out on innocent people? Am I just plain mean? I know I can be a nice person, I know I can be a really considerate person, but for some reason I end up being a bit too sarcastic or too dry and witty. So lately (as in starting right now) I am going to tone it town a bit. I will strive to be witty, and funny, and all those positives things that I would like to be, but just not at the expense of others. I really feel bad for that, for the people I have said some really rude things too, and then played it off with a "Oh I'm just joking, you know that!" Yes, I may be joking, but people don't deserve that kind of treatment even if I am. So then, to all out there who I have been overly sarcastic too, to those who I may have been rude and unthoughtful too, this is my apology. I'm sorry. I really am, to anger and to hurt is not what I intended. I will work on that, I promise, I will give that part of me a good tweeking until I get it right. After all I am nothing but a work in progress.

19 For the good that I wish, I do not do, but the bad that I do not wish is what I practice. 20 If, now, what I do not wish is what I do, the one working it out is no longer I, but the sin dwelling in me.

21 I find, then, this law in my case: that when I wish to do what is right, what is bad is present with me. 22 I really delight in the law of God according to the man I am within, 23 but I behold in my members another law warring against the law of my mind and leading me captive to sins law that is in my members. 24 Miserable man that I am! Who will rescue me from the body undergoing this death?

Mas Campanas?

Disclaimer: This Post is about kids. I understand that some of you might not share the same viewpoint on kids as I do, but that does not make my viewpoint wrong.

Ok, so that sounded like I was going to say a bunch of bad things about kids right? Wrong! I actually am not going too. But lately (for some strange reason) I have been thinking about kids. I don't mean in a "Michael Jackson" kind of way, I mean in the way that I might possibly have some someday. Ok, now everyone slowly get up off the floor, slap yourself around a bit, and realize what I just said. Yes, I have thought about having kids. Keyword: THOUGHT. I can't really pinpoint the exact reason I have been slightly thinking about that, but I know this weekend it kind of crept up on me from the dark corners of my mind. See I was sitting behind a girl who had a baby, and really cute on at that. And the baby, just kept looking at me! With his big brown eyes he just stared me down, like a lion to it's prey. And to my suprise what did I do? I smiled. He smiled and laughed, which in turn made me laugh. It was sort of strange actually. I have friends with babies, and for the most part, most of them look at me and turn away, or just start to cry. Sometimes they look at me and almost don't even notice me, like when you hold a cat in a mirror. They just glare into space, as if your not even there. But not this baby. This baby looked at me, and continued to look at me, and laugh and smile. And somewhere deep down, something found that nice. Somewhere the thought came up in my mind, how it would be to someday have a son or a daughter who would look at me that way, and bring a smile to my face. I've known all along, but then I realized just how babies are a joy to their parents. They poop, they scream, they bite and kick, but that's part of their appeal. Like I said, this is a strange territory for me. In the past I have never really comtemplated having any kids, why? I can't really say. I guess I have always thought it is too much responsiblity, and it's something I just wouldn't want to take on. Getting married and having a wife is enough for me, to add a little munchkin on top of that would just be too much. Maybe its because my sister has no children, and now that my brother is married, I doubt he will have any children either. I have always looked as having children as being a negative thing, not saying they are all little brats that bring stress and hardship, but just the fact that they are too much for me too handle. But I guess living with my cousin's now and having their daughter around, my outlook has changed a bit. I would have to say, that kids, although bratty and possibly a pain in the but, are a blessing. It's just sad that kids have to live in a crazy world these days, which would be another reason why I wouldn't want to have any right away. I think about that, and I just think of that little baby, his smiling at me, and how when he did, all my problems seemed to mean jack. It's funny how something simple as a baby (who isnt even yours) can do that to you? I can't imagine the feeling of looking down a infant, knowing that it's part of me. I cannot phathom that. I guess it's because I don't really look like anyone. The reason why I say that is because my parents are both deceased, so if someone meets me for the first time and didnt know my parents, they cannot say things like "oh you resemble your mom" or "you have your dad's eyes" because they have nothing to go off of. They can compare my brother and my sister to me, but other then that, they don't have the original artwork (my parents) to see how I resemble them. So to me, when I look in the mirror, I resemble me. I look like me, and no one else. But if I was too have a kid, and lets say he comes out with my nose or my eye color or facial structure, that would be a very strange yet exciting thing to me. This kid resembles me? This kid is part of me? I for some reason just can't get over that notion. It's almost like a little clone! That fact itself would just blow my mind, and then if it started thinking and acting like me! Watch out world! So I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm not so much against the fact of having kids anymore. I realize it's a huge responsiblity, something you can't ever take lightly. I realize even though they seem like a burden, and I question why people do have them, they can be a huge joy, a huge positive in a world that's only negative. So will I have kids? I don't know for sure. That is yet to be discovered. But needless to say, the world is a safer place for now, now that I haven't procreated.

me?

i got called a "lush" today. me? a lush? can a guy even be a lush? I haven't had a drink in about 3 months, and I'm the lush? I bet I couldn't even drink 3 beers and I would be all falling over. sad, I know.

but me a lush? me?

thanks, you. (you know who you are)

shameless promotion of my cousin's beanie

who is this guy? what a dork! seriously, what a nerd right?

random poem from my notebook

and as i try and will myself to sleep
the thoughts race through my mind
the promises, the broken promises
to my own self I couldn't keep

the abundance of energy
the lack of toil and trace
I was moving along, singing my song
at my own destructive pace

and it took 15 hours to change my mind
15 hours in that metal jail
they will never let me forget
that I had my mind in a similar padded cell

and now things have changed
and now I know what I want to do
the answer I knew all along
the answer is nothing new

my time here will be short
the days now are less
now's my time to work for it
and provide him something to bless.

I actually used that same ending on another poem, but I believe this was the original poem that had the ending. When I talk about being here for a short time, I was speaking about San Antonio, which was true, because I left not too long after. So that's that.As for the rest of the meaning, just use your imagination. :)

haiku #2

all dirty from work
i now wonder about her
as i sit here cold

Giving Credit, Where Credit is Due

Well I just thought I would take some time out to thank someone. My cousin's cousin Crystal. See the thing is, I am no 'cake walk' to put up with. If anything I am a pain in the $#@#!!! But somehow, she finds a way to put up with me. Why? I don't really know actually, but she does and I appreciate that. See she is younger then me, but she is wise beyond her years. It seems as the days go by, she becomes smarter and wiser by leaps and bounds. Do I feel threatened by her intelligence and logic? Of course! Don't all mindless bafoons like myself feel threatened by intelligent, strong and independent women? And the fact that she is younger does not help my confidence, how smart is she going to be when she is my age? Is there any real way of knowing? Either way, like I stated before I wanted to say thanks. Thanks to a really sweet young girl, who cares a lot about other people and their welfare. I am privileged to be in the midst of such a person at such a young age. Such grace and character, I should be taking notes so I can learn from her. If only this old fool wouldn't be so stubborn.

haiku for the internet light on the dsl modem

oh little green light
you control our destiny
we bow before you

weekends go way too fast

well it seems like the weekend had just started, and now it's already over. here I sit on a Sunday night, knowing that I will have to wake up in a bit to start a whole new work week. joy. I don't mind the work, it's just well, I don't know. nevermind, my thoughts aren't very clear on that.

well speaking of the weekend, mine was pretty nice. friday I got off work and rested a bit. I cleaned my room (it wasn't all that messy anyways) and my cousin was cleaning her house. that night we had Melissa over (the girl who had the M&M shirt on)for dinner. We also had Chas and his little sister over too. we all had a good time, got to watch Melissa and Chas bicker at each other and zing each other with insults. Then after a while Chas and his sister left and we got to chat with Melissa a bit and get to know her a bit better. She sounds like a pretty cool girl, a bit sarcastic, blunt, and playfully condescending, but hey? who doesn't like that? I didn't take anything personal. I rather people be honest then play games. So overall, it was a fun night. She left knowing a bit more about me (probably more then she intended) and vice versa.

Saturday we actually went into town and ate at a mexican restaurant and watched a movie. We saw "Flightplan" and for those you who like Jodie Foster when she is running scared you will like this movie. Almost like "Panic Room" but instead of a room, it is replaced with a airliner. I think it was pretty good though, a bit predictable, but good nonetheless. After the movie we headed over to Walmart to pick up some groceries for the week and other things we needed. I actually got me a frame for my picture of vallarta (that I ordered as a poster) and some new speakers for my room. Oh how I love my speakers. Altec Lansing, you are a beautiful company, I swear, if I ever have children I will recommend they all work for your company. Heck, you can take them when they are "of age" and train them in your ancient ways. I'm sure you could provide a better life for them then I ever could. Just remember to "follow your stars." hehe, i'm stupid. (if CRG is reading this, this is her cue to agree with me.)

Sunday came out of the blue, creeping up on me like a bad tequila hangover. Today we actually went fishing at Pine Lake. Yeah I know, me the city boy, fishing. Actually I didn't do half bad, I did it all bad! Well actually I got a hang of it pretty fast (I have fished before). But usually when you fish, you tend to actually CATCH FISH. But today they weren't biting, or well, they weren't biting my worm. Hehe. Nevermind. So what do I do when fish aren't biting? Skip rocks to disturb other people's fishing! I got some good skips in today, I would say it was about a 7 on the old skip o' rock o' meter. If there was such a thing. There is, I just made it up. So there. After the lake we went to a pizza/hamburger joint, which was suprisingly really good. I would go back. So today was a pretty good day, had fun, got to skip rocks, fought with my cousin's cousin (CRG) a whole bunch and ate some good food.

Now as I get to wake up at 4:45 AM I can't sigh and shake my head in regret. It was a pretty good weekend, heck I can't complain. I mean I could, but I won't. :)