I can still tell I'm from the city

today, well in the later afternoon I had to run by the post office, so I laced up my boots and went out trudging through the snow. Because I don't have a car yet, my only way of getting around is the two legs connected to me. that and begging for rides. but since everyone is busy, or out of town, it was just me and my two legs. i walked down Oak St. and turned right on whatever street that is until i reached the Post Office. Sent off what I needed to send off, and then walked up the street till I hit Washington St. which is the main street of the downtown block. Which consists of a whopping two blocks. The biggest building being the movie theatre. As I turned back onto Oak St. I decided to get a bite to eat at McDonalds. As I ordered I noticed a very elderly man walking in behind me, with what I thought some of his family. I got my food and sat down by myself, and began to eat. Then I noticed the old man went and sat down himself, using his walker as a guide. He must have been atleast 80 or 90 judging by the slowness of his movements. As he sat down the young girl who had helped me actually brought his food to him. But where was his family I thought? As I got up to get a refill, I noticed his family was sitting at another table altogether. His family, those people that seemed to come in with him, weren't his family at all. I had seen them help him in, and hold the door for him, but I guess they were just being polite.

He was eating all alone.

Just like me.

I would have say I'd be lying if I didn't think of going and sitting with him, maybe for the fact that we both could probably talk and chit chat. But I didn't. I sat at my safe distance and watched him hunched over, slowly eating his cheeseburger in quiet. I would also be lying if I said I didn't see a parallel between him and me. We were both alone, both eating our later lunches/dinner by ourselves. And I began to wonder what his story might have been. Was he alone in life? Did he have any family at all? Had he been married for a ungodly amount of years, and now his wife had passed away and he was left on his lonesome? Did he have children who only came around every once in a while, lost in their lives with their own families? I wondered all this while he sat, eating his cheeseburger. Then as if right on time, came the thought of me. Was I going to have the same fate? Was I going to end up in my elderly days hunched over alone eating processed cheeseburgers at a small McDonalds in a town that's hardly on the map? I wondered if he was happy, I wondered if he even knew what happiness meant? I sat and pondered all this over my french fries and quarter pounder, and when I finished them, I left. He was still there, still eating his cheeseburger as I walked out. I hope he was happy, I hope his cheeseburger brought him that.

As I walked home, I thought about my life so far. I have moved here for a better life, and up to this point, it's been pretty good. Definitely better. I got home to a quiet house, my cousins all being away on vacation in SA. I walked in and was greeted by the sound of the bell on the cat's collar, that rings when she is running. She was happy to see me, for the time being I am all she has. I am her only means of getting pet on the head and scratched on the neck, she needs me. So later as I sat and studied, I realized I was thirsty. I decided to go back out, just two blocks up to the local corner store to buy some more soda. Or Pop as they say here. As I walked in the dark cold, with a familiar comforting voice in my ear (from the phone) I thought of walking to walmart, which I decided I was going too. As I headed out on my trek, which is not that short of one, the cold got the better of me. I stood on the corner, thinking whether I should continue, and a man walked past me and smiled and said "not a good night to be walking huh?" "It could be worse" I replied. That made up my mind for me, I was not going to walk to walmart. I turned back, and went to the gas station and bought some soda and chips. As I walked home with my soda and chips, the darkness all around me, i started to laugh to myself. Here I was walking down an empty street at night, and I feared nothing. I did not fear someone trying to mugg me, I did not fear someone trying to beat me up. And that was strange. Because in the city, in some of neighborhoods I've lived, you can't walk at night, and if you do you must continually look over your back. But not here. Seems like the most dangerous I had to look out for walking home was the ice under my feet. That was the silent assassin that seemed to want to get me. As I got closer to home I noticed a car drive up Oak St. towards downtown. Then as I crossed the street and made my way up the driveway, it had turned around and came back up the opposite way. For a minute, maybe even half a second I thought, it's following me. If I was in the city, I would have hauled it inside as soon as possible. Not giving the car any chance of doing anything. But as I watched it turn on the street next to our house, I realized it really was just lost. It wasn't following me, it wasn't out to get me, it was just lost. I laughed to myself, funny how the city makes you so paranoid about things, things that these people around here take for granted. As I went in, once again the cat welcomed me with it's bell. I was warm and toasty once again. And as I think of the things I had to put up with in the city, I really am I am here now. No traffic, no constant news of killing and raping and burglary and other crime. I know it's happening, and I'm sure it does here too, but not on that big of a scale. And that's fine with me. But just the fact, just the fact that I still watch by back, I still look over my shoulder, tells me I am not from here. I am a city boy for life, that I cannot get out of me. The cliche applies to me then too, you can take me out of the city, but you can't take the city out of me.

Open Invitation

Ok, so King Kong has come out, and I've been wanting to see it. So I'm going tomorrow. If anyone wants to go with, be at the Metropolitan Theatre in Iowa Falls, IA around 7:05 pm (movie starts at 7:15pm) tomorrow (December 21st 2005). It's free popcorn day too.

If no one shows up, that's cool.
I am not above going by myself folks!

red headed stranger

i originally posted this October 14th, but just briefly. then I took it off for some reason. so now I am reposting it. i figure its a thought that should not be denied others.

you know, i had a conversation with my cousin the april the other day, and I have been thinking a lot about that topic since then. we were driving down the highway here in Iowa, which is basically farmland, and I was playing some Willie Nelson in the car. We got to talking about many things, but because I heard Willie, I could not help but think of my dad. Or "Papi" as I knew him. Everytime I hear Willie Nelson, I can't help but think of my dad. I don't know if it's the fact that my dad resembled him a bit, or the fact (like april pointed out) that my dad was a avid Willie Nelson listener. Or it could be the fact that my dad, much like Willie Nelson in his wilder days, was a drinker and a smoker, and a bad father to some of his children. But still, I don't really know what the connection between the two is. While listening to the song "Always On My Mind" April said that song reminded her of Ronnie (what everyone called my dad, short for Ronald). The lyrics speak loudly about a person, who because of some reason treated another person in a way he didn't intend too. So he is confessing the things he "didn't" do, only to come back and say that even though he didn't do much positive things, that person was "always on my mind" or in other words in his thoughts. And I had to agree, part of that did remind me of my dad also. See I knew my dad like this. He was a alcoholic, and a smoker and a talented and gifted artist, sculptor and carpenter. He had his bad, and he had his good. Like most people. But what proved to be too hard for my dad to control was his addiction. He could not control his drinking problem. Too many times, and too many memories do I have of my dad being drunk at home, and either throwing something or making the cops come out to our house. These are some of the only memories I have of him, this is the only man I ever knew. When my dad wasn't drinking though, he was a very great guy. He cared about others, from what I heard he had a good sense of humor, and he could skip rocks very well. I guess I get that from him. But once again, that was not the man I came to know. So as I grew up and learned from his example of "what not to do with your life" I have recieved many influences that have combated his legacy that he passed on. And going back to the song, April said that she thinks thats how he felt. He knew he was a bad father, he knew he didn't treat us and our mom well, he knew all of that, and I know he hated himself for it. They say there's no one more honest then a drunk, so when he would call, drunk and go into his speech about how bad of a father he was and how he was never there for us, and how he was sorry about this and sorry about that, I understood. He felt utter remorse, he felt that pain, down to the day that he died I'm sure. He knew what he "didn't" do and was very sorry about it. And I guess there's nothing else I can do then to forgive him. I do forgive him. He lived with that pain and anguish for so many years, he didn't deserve any maltreatment from me or my brother and sister. And that's not easy, part of me wants to be bitter because of what I never got, a normal childhood, a loving father that imparts wisdom to be used later on in life. I could be very angry with him for not giving me many, if any positive things to carry on in life. But I just have to remember that his addiction was just too strong for him. It was so strong it took everything from him, his wife, his family, and ultimately his life. It's funny sometimes, if I think and concentrate very hard, sometimes I can still hear his voice, the memory is still there in my head. Apologizing for everything he never did, and all the things he should have been. I don't know if it's a "Bell" thing, but it seems that when ones in my family get painted in a corner, when there seems like no hope is there, they give up and self destruct. They accept defeat and pout. They don't learn from it, they don't take that knowledge and try again, the just sit and fade away. And that's where I think I differ. I don't want to say I'm a huge go- getter, but I will work for something if I want it. I have hope, I have goals, I have things I want to do. If I fail, then I fail, but I won't give up. I have been there, down in the dumps where my dad was, and I (with help from a close friend) pulled myself out of that. I chose to better myself, or atleast to try. Try try try. Even if you don't win, try. My dad never did that, he never tried to reconcile anything from the past, he would just pout and apologize about it. He would just live in his self created pity factory, and feel sorry for himself. And yes I have been there too. I have been to the lowest point of my life, and I have bounced back. Why? I don't honestly know. I guess that's where me and my dad differ. Where he would feel pity, I atleast try to fix it. I think that has to do with being raised by my brother in law, who is a no excuses type of guy. Hardworking and no nonsense. I like to think that maybe just a tiny amount of his work ethic rubbed off, and that helps me combat the "self pity" gene that us Bells seem to have. Plus I think of my mother. Maybe I make her into a woman of "mythic" proportions, but that's what she is to me. She was and is a hero, a example of toughness beyond any other. I try to be that way in certain things, and not feel sorry for myself. What makes me so special right? But one thing I have to remember is that she loved my dad. They loved each other. From what I hear from my aunt is that my dad loved my mother more then anything, and when he lost her it crushed him. Part of me wants to say he loved his addiction just as much though, but then when she died, in his mind he was left with nothing else to hang on for. I guess us kids weren't enough, the addiction was much too strong. He drank to forget, and while the more he drank, the more neglect he made. He had continued to paint himself in a corner, and then he self destructed. Just like that. But like I said, that's something I have come to know and understand. So now as I get older, and maybe within a couple years think about finding my own wife, I have his example. I hope, and I'll try my hardest not to be the husband and father I knew him as, the stranger I hardly knew. Hopefully I can be a little bit more like the earlier Ronnie, the one who at sometime loved to live and lived to love.

picture by apryldawwn. spikey hair by CRG. veggies by God.

Many faces, and shades of Roberto

Well this post is dedicated to Ruben. :)

If you have paid ANY attention to any of my posts, you have learned that I have fallen in love with zipper shirts. Being that it is quite cold outside, even though the house is warm and toasty, these are great to wear inside the house. Warm and fashionable? How cool is that?! Anyways, here's my collection thus far.

Monday

Wearing the Green and white stripe from Aeropostale. Great buy at $4.99!

Tuesday

Wearing the Navy Blue with White trim. Walmart special at $15.00!

Wednesday

My favorite. The coffee color with the cream. A great buy from Old Navy at $20.00!

Thursday

I like this one too. My white and green with yellow trim.

Friday

Wearing the Red/Maroon with white trim from Aeropostale. Another deal at $4.99!

Saturday

Saturday is all about the original (the first one I have ever bought) Back in Black!

Sunday

Sunday? Why don't I have one for Sunday? It's sabbath! And I need a day off, it's hard work looking this good! ha!

silly little poem for a girl i kinda like

I've never been that good at math
going only as far as geometry in high school
I guess you could say I'm wading in the shallow end
the kid's side of man's proverbial gene pool

and I was never good at shuffling cards
I never quite got that down pact
as hard as I tried, the cards just lied
in a uneven, unorganized stack

you should see me hit a golf ball
I take to it like I'm using a baseball bat
I swing and swing, but don't hit a thing
And the golf ball never leaves the driving mat,

And have you seen my dancing?
I seen more rhythm in a epileptic patient
My arms just flail, as my legs just fail,
I couldn't buy good moves, even if I used next month's rent

so what I guess I'm trying to say is,
there are things I just can't achieve
and no matter how much I practice and try
I just accept it and force myself to believe

But there is one thing I do quite well
one thing I know just how to do
I may not be a pro at anything else
but I'm pretty good at liking you.

Tonight, I was on Fire

Quite Literally.

See when your working in a steel mill like I do, you get used to things happening, that others would deem "unsafe." But to me and the other guys I work with, it's just another day at work.

For example tonight. I was welding a joist, and when I was finished I smelled a very recognizible odor. The odor of something burning. Now you would think with all the dirt and cigarette smoke, and welder smoke I would have a hard time smelling anything. But this is not true. You smell it right away, it's a very different smell then the ones you are used too. So the first thing I do? Check my clothes. Am I on fire? Too many times the sparks off the welder hit your clothes and start to burn. And it is slow burn, one that doesn't always make itself known. I remember smelling that smell for almost an hour, until finally the guy next to me figured out his pants had been on fire for the whole time.

I guess whats funny to me is the difference in this job, in contrast to my old jobs. How I used to get SOOO worked up and frustrated over a irate "user" that I had to speak to over the phone. How I used to hate going to work, because of the "users" and their lack of technical savvy. But now? Now I catch on fire. And what's funny about that is my reaction should be this:

"AHHH!!! I'm on fire! OMG! I'm on FREAKIN FIRE!!!" (I would run around and smack the flames, and maybe even exercise the Stop Drop and Roll technique)

But in reality this is my reaction:

(I smell burning and calmly check my clothes for any thing, like for example tonight my sweatshirt was burning and I say)"Ah man, I'm on fire again. AGAIN! that's two nights in a row. (sigh, while slowly putting out the flame)

it's just funny to see how far I have come. how much I have changed.

oldie but goodie

I remember the first time I heard the song, I was working at Circuit City in the music department. The song instantly caught my ear, that soulful voice, that jazzy bluesy feel to it.

you have not lived until you have heard "Once Upon a Time" by Robert Bradley's Blackwater Suprise.

the life and death of senor campana

but considering i work in a steel mill, and work as a welder, I say take 20 years off that number.

Insight from the Past

Found this in a old post from last year. Made me smile, considering things lately:)

http://soupycannon.blogspot.com/2004/12/for-becks.html

haze

well i just woke up. i came down stairs to a quiet house, one that is still chilly by the outside air. i put on my zipper shirt thingy and sat down on the couch. the conversation I had with my sister just before I got up seems like part dream, only the coughing and the hacking I did all the way through it remind me that it was real. I will be going to work tonight for the first night since Sunday night. I can not say I honestly feel ready to get back to work, but I fear that if I don't I will no longer have work to go to. Cruel world, when companies demand more of you then the bacteria in your body. I sit here and strive to think of something that I could write that would make the perfect post. I long to write the perfect thing. I am forever chasing the perfect expression of my thoughts. Maybe it is not possible with the English language, maybe it's not possible with any language. So many thoughts have been passing through my head these last few days. As Ruben put it, seems like my mind is swimming in a vat of once was and what is yet to be. Of strength and of weakness. For once I might actually understand how Mike feels, how the channels keep changing in my head, and I am not the one with the remote. How most of my awake hours are filled with channel snow, only to look out the window and have my real world filled with actual snow. My mind has been a haze the last few days, and the days have seemed to melt away, as the ice outside still piles up. I feel stressed over my job situation, over my life situation, over every possible situation. I fight with what thoughts I can focus on, but most of them I just let go. I let them fight their own battles, on another day, at some later time. Sleep seems to be the only time that I feel better, when I dont cough, and hack and try to keep from throwing up my McDonalds. I recieve no pity, and I get a bit bitter about that. But then my mind thinks that I deserve none in the first place, seeing as there are others out there much worse then me. I wonder about tomorrow, but realize that it will bring the same. I wish I could stay in tonight, but I realize that's not possible. It's just not possible.

welcome back friend

Me: Yo! Where in @$@# have you been?

McRib: well you know...

Me: yeah i know how it is. so are you back then?

McRib: yeah, looks like it.

Me: sweet, are you back at your mom's house?

McRib: Yeah, but not for long. It's kinda freaking me out...

Me: I bet, having her asking you where you going and all that crap

McRib: exactly, I'm not used to getting the 3rd degree when I get home,

Me: yeah it sucks. well bro, give a call later, we'll do something.

McRib: cool, gotta be cheap, im low on the fundage

Me: No problemo, we can get cheap bite to eat. maybe Micky D's

McRib: how about chinese?

Me: even better.

McRib: alright cool, let me know.

Me: sweet. laterz bro.

McRib: Peace.

when i find all of the reasons
maybe I'll find another way
find another day
with all the changing seasons,
of my life
maybe I'll get it right next time.

random old notebook poetry

so everything changes once again
that strong wind has blown
am I back to my old self?
ofcourse its the regression that is clearly shown.

no inspiration comes now
that flare isn't there
I could write about what to do
but I don't know what that is.

I think I'm starting not to care
and that frightens me a little
how did I come so far?

is she good for me?
am I good for her?
is it the right time?
to keep close or deferr,

I just can't think straight,
my mind is not with my heart,
try to keep them together,
too often they get torn apart.

am I slowly starting to love her,
is that something I'm allowed to do
would we ever be together,
just us two?

************************************

its hard to tell in this weather
thinking how wet and cold
they're stopped
but we keep getting old

and the guitar plays on
as it always does
my thoughts focus on here
that thought of love

is it my place to love her
should i let her be
is it selfish to want her
not only for a friend, but for me

its a hard situation
but I enjoy her so very much
how can I just forget her
forget her touch

I don't have to think
I only have to do it,
she's right in front of me
what more can I ask?

"I'll see you again in another life... when we are both cats."

found this on a old email I sent to Sully when I learned she was sick with flu:

"And your sick? Yeah that flu is really bad, I hope you feel better, take care of yourself. Rest and eat soup and drink hot tea. I think that helps. Yeah, Poor you. Atleast your mom and family will take care of you, when I get sick, I got no one, just got the cat. And hes not too good at making soup."

funny how it was back then. now though, i dont even have the cat to take care of me. I guess now that I am feeling sick, I shall die alone. Nice knowing you all.

random thoughtless thoughts

As I write this I sit on the love seat here in the living room. I am home from work, feeling sick with a headache and the beginning signs of what could be the flu. It is cold outside, everything covered in snow from the slight blizzard we appear to be having. I am not used to snow, that is obvious. But even though I lack the experience of the locals around here, Id like to think I appreciate it much more. Because I am not used to it, I see much more beauty in it. How it covers over everything, how it can make even the ugliest and dirtiest of mans creation appear white and clean. Almost innocent. I actually long for a long cold winter, just so I can experience what everyone keeps telling me as what "used to be" How the winters back when they were young, and how much different they are now. I pray this winter is not out of character and that it proves to be one of old.

And if you think that I am avoiding talking about the latest news about me by talking about snow, then you be correct. But that is my right. It is my blog, and I have the power. So if you dont like it, poopy on you.

Its just some parts of the news are sensitive, and I dont know if its right to share. I think I will have to get the OK before I decide to post any info. I am not one for asking permissions, but in this case, the subject matter means a very great deal to me, and I dont want to do anything against that.

Confused yet? I think I am. My head is feeling clouded just thinking about it. I drank a Cherry Pepsi, so maybe that will help. I think a bean and cheese taco from La Cocinita would really help me think straight. As Steph said, if only they could invent teleporting.

I now have six zipper sweatshirts. I feel like I should be the poster child for them. Maybe endorse them as my favorite type of clothing. I laugh when I think back to my early days of owning just one. How did I survive back then? Without the choice of color or style?

Old Navy jeans are the best for me. Although some of you might prefer Levis or Lee Dungarees or even Express, I have decided Old Navy jeans are my promise land. They fit my body style just right, tight in all the right places. If only I could have more pairs.

I need a haircut. I long to shave off my hair, and leave a short buzz look. But then again, I think maybe a long look would be nice.

I think about one day owning a home here in Iowa Falls. I still stick to the thought of not knowing what to do with all the space I would receieve, but then again I know I would come up with ways to clutter it. I would find ways to fill rooms with all kinds of decoration and color. To have my own place would be nice, a place to come home to. A place where I could fill the cabinets with zebra cakes, and all sorts of unhealthy trans fat filled snacks. A place where I could be warm and toasty on the couch, and know it was all mine. Or Ours.

Speaking of that, today I suprised myself. As we (me, mike, apryl and lily) were driving I was talking about something. Making a joke, I pointed to a house and said, "and that's where we will live, were going to buy that house. the owners dont know yet, but we are going to live there." I laughed at the silliness of my thought, but then shuddered at the fact that I had used the word "we" instead of "i" Already somehow assuming that I will have a significant other. Hmmm. Funny how the mind jumps so far into the future that you cant even see it from a high height. That thought will be thoroughly analyzed, I promise.

Talked to Steph. Good to hear she is doing good. Actually her visit somehow gave me a different impression of her. A good one though. I hope she is doing well. Anyone who can put up with me for a week deserves to be doing well.

Well that is all for now. Hope everyone is warm and safe wherever they might be.

Back

I'm back. A lot has happened since my last post. I'll explain later.

Rrrrrah!

Heregy! Heregy!....rrrah!

I have called you together on this day, the 11th day of November the 11th month in the year 2005 to make this announcement..chaa! From this day forth, let each 11 day of this month be known as:

James Hetfield Day...shaah!

Why? Why not? Nothing better to do...chaa!

What celebrations do we have planned?....rrraah!

None in particular. Just the fact that everything you say on this day has to end in a rrrah! or ccchaaah! or yaah! or any agressive sounding noise, much like anything James Hetfield sings. that is all....chaa!

hello darkness my old friend

Six in the morning. Been up all night at work. Almost got attacked by a german shepard dog on the walk home. Its 40 degrees outside and windy. I go to sleep as the sun is coming up. I can see the coming dawn as I lay on my bed and look out the windows. I go to work when its dark, I leave work when its dark, and I try to fit some living in between. i know this schedule all too well. the stars here are amazing. they alone make it all worth while.

Goodbye For Now

Efrain Martinez
December 20, 1950 - November 7, 2005

Well as I waking up this afternoon (I work nights now) my sister called and told me the bad news. My uncle Efrain (my moms brother), who has been very sick with liver cancer died lastnight. Id have to say it was kind of a matter of time thing and we knew it was going to happen, but that fact still doesnt lessen the sting. He was a great uncle/father/man/human being. I remember I didnt even know him until we met in Phoenix, AZ when I was 13. There he was a big part of the family, laughing and joking, and making everyone have a good time. Then when I was 15 I went up to Tacoma, WA for the summer and stayed with him and my cousins. He taught me how to do plumbing, and how to relax and listen to jazz. He loved Jazz. I remember going to a place called "Grounds for Coffee" every saturday night and listening to the free live Jazz. I hold those times dear to me. Then when I was 17 and moved up to Tacoma to live, once again Efrain was there to lend a helping hand if he could. He taught me a lot about hard work, and yet that you need to have your downtime. During the day he worked at a rapid pace, and then at night and on the weekend he was laid back. His sense of humor was really great too, naming his own plumbing company "AMEX Plumbing" after the simple fact that it was A MEXican plumbing company. He had that type of humor, the type that made you want to work on your own humor, just to compete.

One thing I am glad for is that the last time I saw him was a happy occasion. Him and his wife (my aunt) came down for my brothers wedding (earliar this year). He did look a bit thinner, but his sense of humor was still very much intact. I remember during the wedding he would be out there dancing almost every song, which showed his personality even more. Im really glad my last memory of him is him dancing and joking, and driving in his rented convertible with his daughter's music blaring.

I'll miss you Uncle.

I guess I'm Needy

Got this from Vero, see I do read your blog!

Instructions: Go to Google, type in your Name and the word needs after. Search and write what it comes up with. The results are very interesting. Here were some of mine:

Robbie needs more real friends says dad.

Robby needs to increase his speech and improve the accuracy and intelligibility of his oral language. He needs to acquire better discrimination between certain sounds, particularly consonants and blends.

Robbie needs an American comeback. (but just above that it says "Amazon.com: So Youd Like to... Learn to love Robbie too!!!"

ROBBIE NEEDS MORE WINS.

Robbie needs to tour here, if he wants some name
recognition.

Robbie needs to collect the cheque from the SAB office.

Robbie needs no battle cry.

Robbie needs her.

Robbie needs games and more games and then some goals.

Robbie needs to be playing regularly and he will achieve this with Spurs.

Robbie needs him more than he needs Robbie, and hes generally happy to
be needed.

heavy workload

this is be my biggest task. writing all this down. remembering memories ive intentionally forgotten. bear with me.

this will take a while.

check it out here.

Oh the Places I have Been

Pretty Neat. I guess I'm well traveled in the US. (the red means the places I have been)




And here are my world travels. I have to book some flights!

Its still all about Me

Before I get into my list, first things first:

October 31st - that is my date of birth
I got to the party and I did the Smurf

Ok, now down to business, cause it's all about Me, Right?

Three ways that I am stereotypically female
1. I talk too much (way too much)
2. I like to match
3. I can think before I speak (sometimes)

Three ways that I am stereotypically male
1. I am stubborn
2. I enjoy sports
3. I don't listen as much as I should

Three names I go by
1. Robbie
2. Robert
3. Robbie Kendall Bell (said in a playfully condescending way)

Three parts of my heritage
1. Mexican
2. English
3. Texan

Three physical things I like about myself
1. My Eyes
2. My Sideburns
3. My Height

Three physical things I dont like about myself
1. My Gutt
2. My Gutt
3. My Gutt

Three things that scare me
1. Not being able to Love
2. Friends and Family being hurt
3. Running out of time

Three of my everyday essentials
1. God
2. Breathing
3. Eating

Three LIES
1. I dont enjoy her company
2. I like olives
3. I get enough sleep as I should

Three TRUTHS
1. I do enjoy her company
2. I dont like olives
3. I stay up too late

Three things I want in a relationship
1. Love
2. Trust
3. Honesty & Laughter

Three physical things about women that appeal to me
1. Eyes
2. Laugh
3. Booty

Three of my favorite hobbies
1. Writing
2. Music
3. Good Conversations

Three things I want to do really badly now
1. Sleep
2. Talk
3. Sleep

Three careers Ive considered
1. Garbage Man
2. Insurance Salesman
3. Male Model (the before picture)

Three places I want to go on vacation
1. Vienna, Italy (I hear its nice in the spring)
2. Alaska
3. Hawaii

Three things I want to do before I die
1. Get Married (yes I know, I know)
2. Teach my wife how to skip rocks (if she doesnt already know)
3. Live Lou Reed's "Perfect Day"

Three celebrity crushes
1. Claire Forlani
2. Kate Beckinsale
3. Salma Hayek

Three suckers who got tagged
1. Cece
2. Ruben
3. Vero (you better do this!)

I Am Now Royalty

It's happened! I am soo happy! I am now an Official Member of Royalty in the

The Reign of Ellen

You guys, if your not reading her blog, you should be. Lots of great stories and funny and witty punchlines. I just love it!

A big thanks goes out to Ruben for showing me the way to Royalty.

some will say,
back in the day
is when it all started.

we lost our thrill
and turned downhill
when we both parted.

and so i changed
and my life rearranged
now I'm not the same.

with my conscience clean
i now could ween
without feeling any shame.

and from the north i heard a calling
that if I was tired of always falling
I could get off my lazy seat
and get back on my own two feet

so the call kept resounding
and my head kept on pounding
until i agreed and obeyed
and from my former path strayed

i took a chance on a better way
with hopes of a better day
anything would be better then
back in the day, way back when

these days have gone by so fast
and i still cannot forget the past
but the future is finally looking bright
through my realigned and corrected sight

help coming from a pair of eyes
like small rings of blue grey sky
they remind me to always try
and show me the reason why

why im here
and why i can
be understood
and help understand

the future unknown
ive always known
but now I hope again

living not for today
or neither back in the day
ive put away my way back when.

random lyric

Ive givin everything I need
Id give you everything I own
Id give in, if it could at least be ours alone


it plays over and over in my head.

Oldie But a Goodie

ever find it funny how sometimes you write something that makes a bit of sense?

hehe, check this out:

http://soupycannon.blogspot.com/2005/04/top-shelf-thoughts-of-love.html

Speaking of Cars....

1962 White Lincoln Continental Convertible

V8 Engine

Suicide Doors

Like riding on air

daddy likes.

What I'm Listening To:

Stick Shifts And Safety Belts
by Cake

Stickshifts and safetybelts,
Bucket seats have all got to go.
When we're driving in the car,
It makes my baby seem so far.
I need you here with me,
Not way over in a bucket seat.
I need you to be here with me,
Not way over in a bucket seat.

But when we're driving in my Malibu,
It's easy to get right next to you.
I say, "Baby, scoot over, please."
And then she's right there next to me.
I need you here with me,
Not way over in a bucket seat.
I need you to be here with me,
Not way over in a bucket seat.

Well a lot of good cars ....are Japanese.
But when we're driving far,
I need my baby,
I need my baby next to me.

Well, stickshifts and safetybelts,
Bucket seats have all got to go.
When we're driving in the car,
It makes my baby seem so far.
I need you here with me,
Not way over in a bucket seat.
I need you to be here with me,
Not way over in a bucket seat.

Bad Day, Good Night

Bad Day:



well today started off on the wrong foot off the wrong side of the floor. i got to work at 5:20 am, and got myself ready for the day of lifting and welding. the day didnt disappoint. today was a heavy day, for the most part with heavy steal, steal that didnt lift itself. I would have to say the highlight of the work day, was the hour that we actually were down. One of the machines broke, and we ended up not being able to work for about an hour. It was nice to have a unexpected break. But that just meant that when we were going to get back to work, we were going to work twice as hard. And we did. But you know the work is one thing, the steal is one unforgiving, but atleast you can beat it with a hammer and it doesnt do anything in return. The people on the other hand are something else. I had had enough of everyone today. Between the seemingly endless remarks from the guys I work with, about anything and everything vulgar, it just made the day that much worse. I dont want to sound whiny, because I know there are plenty of other people who deal with much worse on a daily basis. But this can weigh down a person, and it has been weighing a bit on me. I guess just being around that on a daily basis, is getting old and stale. I don't know if I want to take that anymore, I don't I should.

Good Night:



On a positive note though, the night ended in a much better way. We decided to order pizza and invite a good friend over. It was nice to relax, fight and joke with her, and look at her amazing pictures. Really, they were really nice. I didnt tell her for whatever silly reason, but they were really nice. I was impressed. So after some chatting and more fighting and joking, we ended up watching a movie. The feature film of the night was "Serendipity" This is a movie about fate, about destiny, and about finding and losing, and then finding again that person that is your soul mate. Now from past posts, you all know how I feel about fate, and things that are "meant" to happen, or the saying "everything happens for a reason." But I would have to say this movie had a good twist to it. Even though almost from the very start they would end up together, the way they played out the details were really entertaining. And it does remind me of some things that I have gone through, somethings being like they were "scripted" like a movie. But is that not life and love? Either way, it was a good movie, on that I would see again. So after the movie, more talking and joking and conversation. And that is what I really enjoyed, the time spent with good company and good food. Can you get better then that? I dont know too many things better then those two things. Compared to the day, my night was just what I needed. Thanks to all the parties who made the night a enjoyable time, you know who you are.

go buy it. now.

im in love

ok, well i have a confession to make.








yesterday was a good day. i got to spend some time getting to know a very new, and very important part of my life. what can i say? am i in love?









folks, I just might be. its quite possible.









im speechless. i dont know what to write.









i love you....












Yahoo! LAUNCHcast Radio.







I really do.







I dont deserve the likes of you.

sick of myself

do you ever get tired of yourself? wish you could just not be you? i know i do. that thought just prompted a song flashback.

You dont know how you move me
Deconstruct me
And consume me
Im all used up
Im out of luck
I am starstruck
By something in your eyes that is keeping my hope alive

But Im sick of myself when I look at you
Something is beautiful and true
In a world thats ugly and a lie
Its hard to even want to try
And Im beginning to think baby you dont know

matthew sweet: sick of myself

im tired and cheezy

well what to write? I have no idea. I actually don't have much to say. today i got to sleep for a few hours, which was nice. then after that, I got to go and play some football, which was fun too. i didn't get to touch the ball much, but it's ok, i think the team i was on won anyways. after that we went to a friends house and ate some sloppy joes and hung out in his basement and played pool. him and his wife have a really neat house, I wouldn't mind having a house like that someday. It wasn't the biggest house here in Iowa, but it certainly was plenty of room for a couple. i wonder all the work and time and energy they have put into their house, not to mention money. And you know, even though I like to call myself a minimalist and don't need many things in life, it sure is appealing. It's not that they have tons of junk everywhere, that their house was full of things they don't need. It was nice, quaint, and yet really appealing. Maybe someday, if I choose to marry, I will have a house like that. It's a thought.

So now in the morning, I will have to get up and go to work. The time seems to pass so fast here, and it seems like I'm right back at work again. Work time goes somewhat quickly, but not as quick as my time off. Could be the fact that I have also been working every Saturday also, that might have something to do with it. Hmmmm. I wish I could come up with some money making idea, so I wouldn't have to work for a company, and have them delegate when I had to show up for work. I wish I could be my own boss, and if I wanted to sleep in one day, I could. I wish I could have written a silly love song, and now everytime people play it I make some sort of royalties. Like the guy who wrote "Lady in Red" I bet he makes major bank. And how cheezy is that song? Obviously not that cheezy cause people still play it at dances and weddings and such. Not to mention all those 80's Love Song CD's. They even dedicate that song when people talk to Delilah. Hehe, Delilah. Do you people know her? Is she a nationwide thing? I wish I could be like her, make up some romantic junk and watch the cash flow roll in. Hmmm. I need to think of something. I mean I'm grateful for my job, I know my cuz pulled some strings and gave me a good chance. But honestly, I'm sorry, I don't want to lift steel over my head and make Wal Mart parts for the rest of my life. It's means to a end for the time being. But still I wonder, what can I do? I guess I need to start thinking of some lyrics. Ok let me try some cheezy lyrics on you guys, and you let me know what you think.

My beautiful, oh my love
how you are a gift from above
you eyes are like diamonds
they shine and make me smile

I long for you
I want you near
so much noise in this world
but your voice is all i want to hear

sweetheart don't leave me
because my world would be so cold
i fell for you at first glance
at your first word my heart was sold

so baby, when i say I need you
And I love you, and I can't live without you
believe me always
for these words for you are true.


cheezy enough? i thought so.

REVOLT!

Thats right! Down with THE BELL!

hehe.

Disclaimer: This will be a serious post. I don't write many, so pay attention. Also, please don't comment and tell me that I'm being too hard on myself and how I'm not like this. I am not always thoughtful and kind, this I know, so this post is for those times that I'm not.

Well I've been doing some thinking. Big suprise I know. But I've been doing some kind of self examination and have come up with some areas I have to work on. No, not my abs. Well yeah, them, but I mean seriously. I have noticed that in my humor, which can be a mix of dry wit and sarcasm, I can take it too far. I can take it to the point where feelings get hurt, and people actually do get angry. And believe me: THIS IS NOT MY INTENTION. Sometimes I do like to push people's buttons, granted I am quite good at it. But like I said, sometimes I do take it too far. To a level I shouldn't be taking it to. I don't know if it's me trying to be funnier and funnier and then I start actually picking on people, or maybe I myself become "playfully condescending" and start to put people down. Whatever the case is, you have to honestly believe in my heart, that THIS IS NOT MY INTENTION. Sometimes I even wonder myself, "Why can't I just be nice to this person?" Is it some sort of subconscience insecurity? Am I threatened by them? To the fact that I have to completely disarm them of any things they can harm me with? Every once in a while these questions haunt me, and I really strive to correct and alter my thinking. Am I bitter to the world for my lot in life and I feel I have to take it out on innocent people? Am I just plain mean? I know I can be a nice person, I know I can be a really considerate person, but for some reason I end up being a bit too sarcastic or too dry and witty. So lately (as in starting right now) I am going to tone it town a bit. I will strive to be witty, and funny, and all those positives things that I would like to be, but just not at the expense of others. I really feel bad for that, for the people I have said some really rude things too, and then played it off with a "Oh I'm just joking, you know that!" Yes, I may be joking, but people don't deserve that kind of treatment even if I am. So then, to all out there who I have been overly sarcastic too, to those who I may have been rude and unthoughtful too, this is my apology. I'm sorry. I really am, to anger and to hurt is not what I intended. I will work on that, I promise, I will give that part of me a good tweeking until I get it right. After all I am nothing but a work in progress.

19 For the good that I wish, I do not do, but the bad that I do not wish is what I practice. 20 If, now, what I do not wish is what I do, the one working it out is no longer I, but the sin dwelling in me.

21 I find, then, this law in my case: that when I wish to do what is right, what is bad is present with me. 22 I really delight in the law of God according to the man I am within, 23 but I behold in my members another law warring against the law of my mind and leading me captive to sins law that is in my members. 24 Miserable man that I am! Who will rescue me from the body undergoing this death?

Mas Campanas?

Disclaimer: This Post is about kids. I understand that some of you might not share the same viewpoint on kids as I do, but that does not make my viewpoint wrong.

Ok, so that sounded like I was going to say a bunch of bad things about kids right? Wrong! I actually am not going too. But lately (for some strange reason) I have been thinking about kids. I don't mean in a "Michael Jackson" kind of way, I mean in the way that I might possibly have some someday. Ok, now everyone slowly get up off the floor, slap yourself around a bit, and realize what I just said. Yes, I have thought about having kids. Keyword: THOUGHT. I can't really pinpoint the exact reason I have been slightly thinking about that, but I know this weekend it kind of crept up on me from the dark corners of my mind. See I was sitting behind a girl who had a baby, and really cute on at that. And the baby, just kept looking at me! With his big brown eyes he just stared me down, like a lion to it's prey. And to my suprise what did I do? I smiled. He smiled and laughed, which in turn made me laugh. It was sort of strange actually. I have friends with babies, and for the most part, most of them look at me and turn away, or just start to cry. Sometimes they look at me and almost don't even notice me, like when you hold a cat in a mirror. They just glare into space, as if your not even there. But not this baby. This baby looked at me, and continued to look at me, and laugh and smile. And somewhere deep down, something found that nice. Somewhere the thought came up in my mind, how it would be to someday have a son or a daughter who would look at me that way, and bring a smile to my face. I've known all along, but then I realized just how babies are a joy to their parents. They poop, they scream, they bite and kick, but that's part of their appeal. Like I said, this is a strange territory for me. In the past I have never really comtemplated having any kids, why? I can't really say. I guess I have always thought it is too much responsiblity, and it's something I just wouldn't want to take on. Getting married and having a wife is enough for me, to add a little munchkin on top of that would just be too much. Maybe its because my sister has no children, and now that my brother is married, I doubt he will have any children either. I have always looked as having children as being a negative thing, not saying they are all little brats that bring stress and hardship, but just the fact that they are too much for me too handle. But I guess living with my cousin's now and having their daughter around, my outlook has changed a bit. I would have to say, that kids, although bratty and possibly a pain in the but, are a blessing. It's just sad that kids have to live in a crazy world these days, which would be another reason why I wouldn't want to have any right away. I think about that, and I just think of that little baby, his smiling at me, and how when he did, all my problems seemed to mean jack. It's funny how something simple as a baby (who isnt even yours) can do that to you? I can't imagine the feeling of looking down a infant, knowing that it's part of me. I cannot phathom that. I guess it's because I don't really look like anyone. The reason why I say that is because my parents are both deceased, so if someone meets me for the first time and didnt know my parents, they cannot say things like "oh you resemble your mom" or "you have your dad's eyes" because they have nothing to go off of. They can compare my brother and my sister to me, but other then that, they don't have the original artwork (my parents) to see how I resemble them. So to me, when I look in the mirror, I resemble me. I look like me, and no one else. But if I was too have a kid, and lets say he comes out with my nose or my eye color or facial structure, that would be a very strange yet exciting thing to me. This kid resembles me? This kid is part of me? I for some reason just can't get over that notion. It's almost like a little clone! That fact itself would just blow my mind, and then if it started thinking and acting like me! Watch out world! So I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm not so much against the fact of having kids anymore. I realize it's a huge responsiblity, something you can't ever take lightly. I realize even though they seem like a burden, and I question why people do have them, they can be a huge joy, a huge positive in a world that's only negative. So will I have kids? I don't know for sure. That is yet to be discovered. But needless to say, the world is a safer place for now, now that I haven't procreated.

me?

i got called a "lush" today. me? a lush? can a guy even be a lush? I haven't had a drink in about 3 months, and I'm the lush? I bet I couldn't even drink 3 beers and I would be all falling over. sad, I know.

but me a lush? me?

thanks, you. (you know who you are)

shameless promotion of my cousin's beanie

who is this guy? what a dork! seriously, what a nerd right?

random poem from my notebook

and as i try and will myself to sleep
the thoughts race through my mind
the promises, the broken promises
to my own self I couldn't keep

the abundance of energy
the lack of toil and trace
I was moving along, singing my song
at my own destructive pace

and it took 15 hours to change my mind
15 hours in that metal jail
they will never let me forget
that I had my mind in a similar padded cell

and now things have changed
and now I know what I want to do
the answer I knew all along
the answer is nothing new

my time here will be short
the days now are less
now's my time to work for it
and provide him something to bless.

I actually used that same ending on another poem, but I believe this was the original poem that had the ending. When I talk about being here for a short time, I was speaking about San Antonio, which was true, because I left not too long after. So that's that.As for the rest of the meaning, just use your imagination. :)

haiku #2

all dirty from work
i now wonder about her
as i sit here cold

Giving Credit, Where Credit is Due

Well I just thought I would take some time out to thank someone. My cousin's cousin Crystal. See the thing is, I am no 'cake walk' to put up with. If anything I am a pain in the $#@#!!! But somehow, she finds a way to put up with me. Why? I don't really know actually, but she does and I appreciate that. See she is younger then me, but she is wise beyond her years. It seems as the days go by, she becomes smarter and wiser by leaps and bounds. Do I feel threatened by her intelligence and logic? Of course! Don't all mindless bafoons like myself feel threatened by intelligent, strong and independent women? And the fact that she is younger does not help my confidence, how smart is she going to be when she is my age? Is there any real way of knowing? Either way, like I stated before I wanted to say thanks. Thanks to a really sweet young girl, who cares a lot about other people and their welfare. I am privileged to be in the midst of such a person at such a young age. Such grace and character, I should be taking notes so I can learn from her. If only this old fool wouldn't be so stubborn.

haiku for the internet light on the dsl modem

oh little green light
you control our destiny
we bow before you

weekends go way too fast

well it seems like the weekend had just started, and now it's already over. here I sit on a Sunday night, knowing that I will have to wake up in a bit to start a whole new work week. joy. I don't mind the work, it's just well, I don't know. nevermind, my thoughts aren't very clear on that.

well speaking of the weekend, mine was pretty nice. friday I got off work and rested a bit. I cleaned my room (it wasn't all that messy anyways) and my cousin was cleaning her house. that night we had Melissa over (the girl who had the M&M shirt on)for dinner. We also had Chas and his little sister over too. we all had a good time, got to watch Melissa and Chas bicker at each other and zing each other with insults. Then after a while Chas and his sister left and we got to chat with Melissa a bit and get to know her a bit better. She sounds like a pretty cool girl, a bit sarcastic, blunt, and playfully condescending, but hey? who doesn't like that? I didn't take anything personal. I rather people be honest then play games. So overall, it was a fun night. She left knowing a bit more about me (probably more then she intended) and vice versa.

Saturday we actually went into town and ate at a mexican restaurant and watched a movie. We saw "Flightplan" and for those you who like Jodie Foster when she is running scared you will like this movie. Almost like "Panic Room" but instead of a room, it is replaced with a airliner. I think it was pretty good though, a bit predictable, but good nonetheless. After the movie we headed over to Walmart to pick up some groceries for the week and other things we needed. I actually got me a frame for my picture of vallarta (that I ordered as a poster) and some new speakers for my room. Oh how I love my speakers. Altec Lansing, you are a beautiful company, I swear, if I ever have children I will recommend they all work for your company. Heck, you can take them when they are "of age" and train them in your ancient ways. I'm sure you could provide a better life for them then I ever could. Just remember to "follow your stars." hehe, i'm stupid. (if CRG is reading this, this is her cue to agree with me.)

Sunday came out of the blue, creeping up on me like a bad tequila hangover. Today we actually went fishing at Pine Lake. Yeah I know, me the city boy, fishing. Actually I didn't do half bad, I did it all bad! Well actually I got a hang of it pretty fast (I have fished before). But usually when you fish, you tend to actually CATCH FISH. But today they weren't biting, or well, they weren't biting my worm. Hehe. Nevermind. So what do I do when fish aren't biting? Skip rocks to disturb other people's fishing! I got some good skips in today, I would say it was about a 7 on the old skip o' rock o' meter. If there was such a thing. There is, I just made it up. So there. After the lake we went to a pizza/hamburger joint, which was suprisingly really good. I would go back. So today was a pretty good day, had fun, got to skip rocks, fought with my cousin's cousin (CRG) a whole bunch and ate some good food.

Now as I get to wake up at 4:45 AM I can't sigh and shake my head in regret. It was a pretty good weekend, heck I can't complain. I mean I could, but I won't. :)

events of a uneventful day

it's thursday, well for one more hour atleast. nothing really important or monumental happened today, but yet it was a eventful day. the following will inform all of you.

woke up at a few times, playing tag with the snooze button on my alarm. finally got out of bed around 5:04 am.

work was hard today. just like everyday.

i burned my hand. again. this time really good to. I've gotten used to the welder sparks bouncing around and some landing in my gloves. but this one was like a meteor from beyond. it's burning mass of molten hot magma just ate through my skin like a fat kid at Cici's Buffet. It hurt.

i banged my elbow really hard on a piece of steel cord. it hurt also. the pain went away though. that was much appreciated. thank you pain.

i slipped putting a clamp on, and smashed my left thumb on a steel hyrdaulic roller. yeah, you guessed it. ouch. it's ok though, i didn't have 100% feeling in that thumb anyways.

if you haven't noticed I work in a place that you can get seriously hurt, very, very easily. they are big on safety though, which is good. you just have to be smart, or nuts. one of the two.

on break i was a bit hungry and i reached into my pocket and pulled out 75 cents. I eyed the last rice crispee treat in the machine and noticed that the price was the exact same amount that I currently attained. Ah yeah, that rice crispee treat was mine. I could already taste it's sticky marshmallowy goodness. I could see the bright blue shiny wrapper shining like a beacon, hear it calling out to me "Robbie, buy me! Rip off my cover and devour me whole!" And as I made my way closer to the machine only one thing stood between me and my processed gooey square of bliss. Another coworker. Lets just call him Davey, since I actually don't know his name anyways (it could very well be Davey). I watched as he put in his money, one quarter, two, three and he stopped there. Hmmmm..ok 75 cents. Then I watched helplessly in slow motion as he extended his finger and pressed the letter D and then the number 7. My eyes glanced over to my cube of contentment, and yes, it too lay under the code D7. He had selected my treat, my reason for living! I had been defeated by such a little person (he really is little) he had given me the proverbial kick in the nuts, and spat on me while I was down. With nothing left to choose, nothing to keep me going, all I could do was select a crummy bag of Cheetos. I normally like Cheetos, but this was much worse then sloppy seconds. Plus, Cheetos for breakfast at 7:30 AM! What nonsense! The worst part about it all, was for the rest of the break I got to watch him eat my joy, bite for bite. Him picking at it with small bites, like a buzzard on fresh roadkill. His "wee beety ittle eyes" just staring off into nothingness, not ever taking a glance at what treasure he was shoving down his gullet. I was insulted, I was hurt, I was still hungry! And as the bell rang to summon us back to work I vowed that I would get back at him, down with Davey! You can keep your D7, your mark of the Devil! I will have my revenge soon, my revolt is close at hand, or atleast until they refill the snack machine.

So then after work I got home. Took a shower and rested. That's about it.

Went to DQ later. Had a Coke, which I chipped in $1.00 of the total $1.39 amount. Ok, so I owe Noe 39 cents. I won't forget, I promise.

What was I talking about? I can't remember.

After all that, I am here now, in the basement of this big house writing this post. It's already past my self inflicted bed time, so I better wrap this up. To all who read this tomorrow, I hope you having a good day. I will be, trying to keep all my fingers on my hand and beat Davey to the vending machine.

another something i wrote

how you form your words
those looks i could never understand
how you shake when you laugh
with rings on both your hands

your silent meditation
how you clean when life is out of control
you seem to have a good heart
the one I tried so hard to console

but friends we remain
after years of running in place
wondering if you'll do the seeking
or blame yourself and create space

maybe I'll see you soon
but I won't go out of my way
friday will be here before you know it
much to your apathetic dismay.

I almost forgot...

I was going to write this lastnight, but I forgot. Lastnight at DQ (Dairy Queen) I ran into a friend of my cousin's. She's actually one of the only people here my age (or close atleast) and she seems like a pretty cool person. I don't know her very well, but she seems like she has a great personality (she laughed at my jokes people!) So anyways, she was wearing the above shirt, which of course with me next to her made for a big laugh. Even I could not help but think it comical. So hopefully I can get to know her a bit better, I'm always up for meeting new interesting people.

100 Things About Me

This wasn't as hard as it seemed. So here it goes.

I:

1. like big butts and I cannot lie.
2. am a chronic liar.
3. did it again.
4. know that women won’t give me the time of day. So I hit on them at night.
5. sometimes wish I would have went to a university. I would have went to Baylor.
6. cut the bottoms of my jeans.
7. love the Pilot G-2 07. It’s my favorite pen.
8. used to never wear brown.
9. still don’t wear any kind of gold jewelry.
10. love watches.
11. prefer them to be metal banded. No leather please.
12. like boot cut jeans.
13. do wear a belt buckle.
14. bite my nails. A lot.
15. don’t “part” my hair to any side.
16. don’t have smelly feet.
17. don’t snore.
18. have had a root canal.
19. feel a bit behind the average 25 yr old.
20. have actually eaten a "Gray's Papaya" Hot Dog. It was delicious like Matthew Perry said.
21. actually do plan on acting out the events in a "Perfect Day" someday.
22. don’t like tomatoes.
23. don’t like Onions either. Sans Onion Rings.
24. could lose a few pounds.
25. have had 2 long distance, international relationships.
26. think James Taylor is a weenie.
27. am not into politics.
28. almost always finish my drink before my food.
29. am not particularly attracted to blondes.
30. will take anything though.
31. enjoy making people laugh.
32. still feel bad about breaking up with a girl 5 years ago.
33. am a trusting person.
34. can be lazy.
35. never remember my dreams.
36. don’t like lemon cookies.
37. seem to have people open up to me, and tell me their problems.
38. am easy to talk to.
39. like Vintage Jazz, but hardly actually listen to it.
40. didn’t know what the word “corpse” meant until I was 12.
41. didn’t learn to swim until I was 11.
42. think Frito Pies are overrated.
43. don’t like keyboard drawers under the desk.
44. prefer leather interior.
45. love M & M Blizzards at DQ.
46. don’t like Big Red very much.
47. honestly know I didn’t give my time in WA enough chance.
48. have visited my mom’s grave only twice in the last 15 years.
49. am part of a family that doesn’t hug very much.
50. actually like my eye color.
51. had a first love named Allison.
52. had my first kiss by a different girl, also named Alison.
53. really do like the name and the song "Alison"
54. once danced in the street.
55. know from experience, that apple juice and Taco Bell don’t mix.
56. do not go for long without a song in my head.
57. have sung "Summer Nights" at a karaoke bar with my friends sister.
58. don’t drink anymore.
59. had a crush on a girl named Zoe in high school.
60. am not a big fan of mustard.
61. like Adidas more then Nike.
62. don’t hold in my sneezes.
63. know money means nothing to me.
64. grew up in a trailer.
65. know my dad was a alcoholic.
66. played with “Hot Wheels” not Matchbox.
67. only had Transformers. No stupid Go-Bots.
68. enjoy the view of the stars here at night.
69. know how to make lasagna.
70. grew up eating Chef Boyardee Raviolis.
71. don’t know if I’ll ever marry.
72. enjoy traveling. But I’ve realized it’s better with a good friend or loved one.
73. call all soda, no matter what brand, “Coke”
74. used to be a glass half empty person. Now it’s vice versa.
75. love the Foo Fighters.
76. will someday live in Mexico.
77. have 20/20 vision.
78. cannot live without sideburns.
79. like to read, but I don’t do it enough.
80. know it’s hard for me to sit down and study. Anything.
81. am a minimalist.
82. am a bit messy most of the time.
83. use sweet & sour sauce with my nuggets and fries.
84. used to chew “Big League Chew” gum.
85. like girls that are shorter then me.
86. can ice skate.
87. prefer Egg Rolls over Crab Rangoons.
88. love girls with accents. Any will do.
89. sleep on a inflatable bed.
90. am hard on myself.
91. don’t know any Kung Fu.
92. used to be pretty good at basketball.
93. love the dirt smell in the air when it rains.
94. consider myself a “Goonie.”
95. used to watch “Pinwheel” when I was a kid.
96. dip my fries in my frostee when I eat at Wendy’s.
97. can’t burp my full name.
98. actually do enjoy long walks on the beach.
99. can love and be loved.
100. am tired, and is going to sleep.

poetry that i didnt write

I was angry with my friend:
I told my wrath, my wrath did end.
I was angry with my foe:
I told it not, my wrath did grow.

And I water'd it in fears,
Night & morning with my tears;
And I sunned it with smiles,
And with soft deceitful wiles.

And it grew both day and night,
Till it bore an apple bright;
And my foe beheld it shine,
And he knew that it was mine,

And into my garden stole
When the night had veil'd the pole:
In the morning glad I see
My foe outstretch'd beneath the tree.

random memory of the day

how i remember listening to my 10,000 Maniacs tapes. the music would just lull me into a daze, as natalie would just hypnotize with her voice.

sigh.

how I miss those days sometimes.

New Job for a New Me

Well I started the new job at SMI yesterday. And I have to admit, it's hard. I knew it was going to be, but I hadn't realized how much until now. Yesterday was my first day, and I had a bang up crash course in how to put together a joist. Don't worry folks, all the joist came out ok, no Wal-Marts will be caving in anytime soon. But the first day was hard, as it is anywhere you work. Today though was better. Well I guess I should tell you what I do now, I am what is called a Rigger. I rig joists. For those of you who don't know what a joist is, next time your in a Wal-Mart, look up. The long metal girder things that span across the ceiling, those are joists. I make those. Well not me alone, but the line that I'm on makes those. I'm on the A Line, so my technical name is A-Line Rigger. What we do is simple. Let me explain: See there is long table, which is called the rigging table, and and it has these things called jigs that sit on top of it. These jigs span the whole length of the rigging table, which itself is probably a hundred or more feet. Then on either side of the rigging table, is rollers that bring in steel, which is in the shape of the letter L. There is usually six guys working the rigging table, three on each side spread out. Two guys take the front (one on either side) and two in the middle and so on. Each of us has our own tacking torch, or tacking welder as some say. So then as the steel rolls in on the rollers, three on each side pick up the steel and lift it up over their heads and sit it down in the jigs. Then the other side does the same, so it ends up looking like two flat railroad tracks. Then comes the webbing. The two front guys start on the front webbing, the middle guy, which they call mid-web, does his webbing and the back guys the back. Webbing is smaller pieces of steal that we lay in a kind of zig zag formation, and get welded into place. Then after all the tacking is down, we put down our torches and pick up another piece of steel to put on top. This we dont weld, but but we put clamps on it, to hold it in place. This happens on both sides. So then once all the clamps are done, we make sure everyone is ready, and the lead rigger hits a foot pedal and the hydralic pumps push the joist up, allowing us to pick it up and put it on its side. Then using the rollers in the rigging table, we roll it down the line to the welding pit to be welded for good. This whole process takes less then 5 minutes, and is pretty fast paced. Not too mention dirty. I start at 5:30 AM and by 8:30 am I am covered in black soot and dirt from the steel. It's a dirty job, but yes someone has to do it. And I guess that someone one is now me. So anyways, that's that. I get home now around 1:35 pm, and I am sore and dirty and stinky, and it's great. I am actually now enjoying it more then sitting on my butt in the help desk. I don't get paid as much, but I feel like I have actually accomplished something at the end of the day. Not to mention I get a heck of a workout and the chance to learn some welding. It's been cool so far, and it's only the second day. Hopefully it will all be good in the future. We'll see.





These are photos of me after I got home yesterday. I think I look goofy, but my cousin insisted I take pictures after my first day. I actually didn't get that dirty on my first day.

Hehe...I'm being mean, and yet, I don't care

Brother and Sister? Long Lost Cousins? I wonder if she likes Baby Ruths?