I can still tell I'm from the city

today, well in the later afternoon I had to run by the post office, so I laced up my boots and went out trudging through the snow. Because I don't have a car yet, my only way of getting around is the two legs connected to me. that and begging for rides. but since everyone is busy, or out of town, it was just me and my two legs. i walked down Oak St. and turned right on whatever street that is until i reached the Post Office. Sent off what I needed to send off, and then walked up the street till I hit Washington St. which is the main street of the downtown block. Which consists of a whopping two blocks. The biggest building being the movie theatre. As I turned back onto Oak St. I decided to get a bite to eat at McDonalds. As I ordered I noticed a very elderly man walking in behind me, with what I thought some of his family. I got my food and sat down by myself, and began to eat. Then I noticed the old man went and sat down himself, using his walker as a guide. He must have been atleast 80 or 90 judging by the slowness of his movements. As he sat down the young girl who had helped me actually brought his food to him. But where was his family I thought? As I got up to get a refill, I noticed his family was sitting at another table altogether. His family, those people that seemed to come in with him, weren't his family at all. I had seen them help him in, and hold the door for him, but I guess they were just being polite.

He was eating all alone.

Just like me.

I would have say I'd be lying if I didn't think of going and sitting with him, maybe for the fact that we both could probably talk and chit chat. But I didn't. I sat at my safe distance and watched him hunched over, slowly eating his cheeseburger in quiet. I would also be lying if I said I didn't see a parallel between him and me. We were both alone, both eating our later lunches/dinner by ourselves. And I began to wonder what his story might have been. Was he alone in life? Did he have any family at all? Had he been married for a ungodly amount of years, and now his wife had passed away and he was left on his lonesome? Did he have children who only came around every once in a while, lost in their lives with their own families? I wondered all this while he sat, eating his cheeseburger. Then as if right on time, came the thought of me. Was I going to have the same fate? Was I going to end up in my elderly days hunched over alone eating processed cheeseburgers at a small McDonalds in a town that's hardly on the map? I wondered if he was happy, I wondered if he even knew what happiness meant? I sat and pondered all this over my french fries and quarter pounder, and when I finished them, I left. He was still there, still eating his cheeseburger as I walked out. I hope he was happy, I hope his cheeseburger brought him that.

As I walked home, I thought about my life so far. I have moved here for a better life, and up to this point, it's been pretty good. Definitely better. I got home to a quiet house, my cousins all being away on vacation in SA. I walked in and was greeted by the sound of the bell on the cat's collar, that rings when she is running. She was happy to see me, for the time being I am all she has. I am her only means of getting pet on the head and scratched on the neck, she needs me. So later as I sat and studied, I realized I was thirsty. I decided to go back out, just two blocks up to the local corner store to buy some more soda. Or Pop as they say here. As I walked in the dark cold, with a familiar comforting voice in my ear (from the phone) I thought of walking to walmart, which I decided I was going too. As I headed out on my trek, which is not that short of one, the cold got the better of me. I stood on the corner, thinking whether I should continue, and a man walked past me and smiled and said "not a good night to be walking huh?" "It could be worse" I replied. That made up my mind for me, I was not going to walk to walmart. I turned back, and went to the gas station and bought some soda and chips. As I walked home with my soda and chips, the darkness all around me, i started to laugh to myself. Here I was walking down an empty street at night, and I feared nothing. I did not fear someone trying to mugg me, I did not fear someone trying to beat me up. And that was strange. Because in the city, in some of neighborhoods I've lived, you can't walk at night, and if you do you must continually look over your back. But not here. Seems like the most dangerous I had to look out for walking home was the ice under my feet. That was the silent assassin that seemed to want to get me. As I got closer to home I noticed a car drive up Oak St. towards downtown. Then as I crossed the street and made my way up the driveway, it had turned around and came back up the opposite way. For a minute, maybe even half a second I thought, it's following me. If I was in the city, I would have hauled it inside as soon as possible. Not giving the car any chance of doing anything. But as I watched it turn on the street next to our house, I realized it really was just lost. It wasn't following me, it wasn't out to get me, it was just lost. I laughed to myself, funny how the city makes you so paranoid about things, things that these people around here take for granted. As I went in, once again the cat welcomed me with it's bell. I was warm and toasty once again. And as I think of the things I had to put up with in the city, I really am I am here now. No traffic, no constant news of killing and raping and burglary and other crime. I know it's happening, and I'm sure it does here too, but not on that big of a scale. And that's fine with me. But just the fact, just the fact that I still watch by back, I still look over my shoulder, tells me I am not from here. I am a city boy for life, that I cannot get out of me. The cliche applies to me then too, you can take me out of the city, but you can't take the city out of me.