another old notebook

well cleaning out my desk here at work, i found another notebook with some writings in it. they are just random thoughts i write down. really it's whatever just i write at that moment. most of it consists of questions i ask myself. here they are:

i think back now, though it wasn't long ago
about the first time i saw your face,
the symmetry, that profile
that vibrant smile, that suttle grace

my expectations were surpassed
almost as fast
as our first hour together
time didn't seem to last.

******************************************************************

so everything changes once again
that strong wind has blown
am i back to my old self?
of course it's the regression that is clearly shown

no inspiration comes now
that flare isn't there
i could write about what to do
but i dont know what that is.

i think i'm starting not to care,
and that frightens me a little
how did I come so far?

is she good for me?
am i good for her?
is it the right time?
to keep close or defer?

i just can't think straight
my mind is not with my heart
trying keep them together
too often they get torn apart

am i slowly starting to lover her
is that something i'm allowed to do
would we ever be together?
just us two?

************************************************************

i can never tell if i'm overreacting
or just reacting to get over you
i can never tell if you really need me
as much as you never say you do

i can never tell what the next day brings
but I'm sure it won't be us
so many things to sort out
too many thoughts to discuss

so i write it down in my head
i try to remember the words that were said
i wonder what i am to you
in the end what this all equals to

am i truly waisting my time?
is there any use in all this?
would that kiss, be easy to resist
after all this time those lips i have missed?

and I can't give myself that answer
and it's frustrating, that answer i might not find
but that's the never ending battle i fight
between my heart and my mind.